January 2022

January is National Celebration of Life!  We honor all our loved ones, both two-leggeds and four-leggeds.  

Today I honor our four-leggeds who have brought us so much joy and unconditional love!  

For my husband and me, I share our beloved black lab Baron and our first rescue doggie Bo.  

Baron was one of 7 black lab puppies born to Bailey and Shaq (yes short for Shaquille!).  He was a Marley dog from the beginning!  He had to go to 90 days of dog training at 3 months old. He LOVED playing frisbee and sitting out under the stars at nite with his Daddy who still misses him!

Baron and I went to see the Christmas lights every Christmas Eve of his life.  We got to be with him when he was put to sleep at home by Dr. Monica Brown on Memorial Day 2017. 

Our hearts were so broken that Molly, daughter of my BFF Janie, found a rescue that she thought we would be a perfect match for!  And so our BO came to live with us, bonding with Daddy immediately.  Bo was a runner and merrily crossed 6 lanes of traffic one nite with us chasing after him.  His angel totally protected him and he came back to us unscathed!  He did however have PTSD his entire life with us, mainly at nite😪  His favorite activity with me was car rides which were so bonding!  We lost him on March 22, 2021, when he suddenly could not breathe or walk😢. 

Fiona was a beautiful horse of the Carroll Family who only had 5 years on this earth but what a 5 years!  She was feisty, particular about who she liked (both two-leggeds and four-leggeds), and was handily managed and trained by Bethany, her main woman.  She suffered from some health issues (including from two wildfires when all had to evacuate) and crossed the Rainbow Bridge shortly afterward. She still contacts the family from the other side!  

Shine was a very special rescue who was initially given to my friend Cathy Carroll by an RN who could no longer care for her due to her own health issues.  Cathy then gave Shine to her brother-in-law Bob who was terminally ill with cancer.  He made a gift of Shine to his wife Kim, Cathy’s sister.  For the rest of Shine’s life, she provided comfort for Kim before and after Bob’s dying and death, coming into Kim’s life when she needed Shine to help with her grief, and leaving when Kim was strong enough to handle Bob’s death. Shine had multiple health problems when she came to the Carroll family, who helped rehab her.  She also had other health problems at the end, but she maintained a positive disposition throughout, as exhibited by sticking her tongue to the left, letting you know when to rub her neck and belly, rolling in the mud, and loving a horse bath afterward.  The Carrolls were broken-hearted when she was put to sleep after 3 years.  

Our last love bug is Pepper, beloved companion, and kitty of Sue McDaniel.  Pepper was a very loving and gentle cat who had been Sue’s best friend for 14.5 years when she passed away in May 2015. Pepper never destroyed anything and would sit with Sue on their patio, coming inside with Sue when it was time. Sue described how much she still loves and misses Pepper:  “There will never be another Pepper.  She is in my heart always.”

Blessings to each who shared their stories of beloved four-leggeds, and to you in remembering your beloved four leggeds🐶🐴🐱

Carolyn

Our beloved Baron 4/23/2003- Memorial Day 2017

Daddy & Baron playing frisbee

Baron 4/23/2003-5/20-2017

Beloved Bo on 3/22/2021 – His last day with us.

Daddy & Bo on a stroll.

Mom & Bo adopted 11/12/17

Beloved Fiona

Fiona & Bethany Horse Trainer extraordinaire!

Pepper, beloved companion of Sue.

Pepper

Beautiful Shine of the Carroll Family

Another year over, and what have we done?  These past two years have been more “What have we NOT done?!  

Even though I have learned (sometimes painfully) how to be with myself much more, (complicated by the effects of a concussion which took months of doing nothing except for 3 months of PT, in addition to Covid imposed isolation), there were major changes in my life.

The biggest was experiencing 10 deaths in 12 months, starting with my beloved Uncle Tom in July 2020, and quickly followed by the deaths of a classmate to Covid, my beloved Aunt Faye at Christmas, former work colleagues, friends, and our beloved rescue dog Bo.

     I have not been able to write about Aunt Faye much till now.  She was a true friend to me, and I considered her and Uncle Mick a second set of parents who I could reach out to when I could not reach out to my own parents.  She became sick during the holidays and put up a valiant fight until December 12, 2020.

I have included our last picture together taken three years ago on my last visit to my home state of Kansas.

And maybe that illustrates the crux of my grief, not being able to get home every six months to visit family and friends, driving the backroads, experiencing memories of my life, soaking up the earth and nature.  But most of all, not being able to get recharged, renewed, reinvigorated.  The worst has been not being able to attend the services of lost loved ones, or being with friends.

But of course, I have not been alone in this Covid journey.  One of my dearest friends who lives between Tucson and Pennsylvania and nearby states, lost her mother to Covid one year ago this week and her oldest brother in the past two weeks, also to Covid.  She said these two losses bookend a challenging year.  And this illustrates so much of what so many have experienced and still are.

But there have been many gifts out of all this isolation, stress, and weariness of Covid and concussion.

I have learned to be with myself and enjoy it, to be quieter inside and out, to reach out to others through social media, this blog, re-establishing relationships with classmates, and also meeting others from around the world.

I have an incredible church family and community which has helped sustain me, providing support through online services, a private Facebook support group, getting to help others through doing pastoral care, and receiving my own pastoral care… I also have an incredible network of family and friends, my husband Don, and our beloved new and amazing rescue Bella. (My husband says she is a human in dog form!).

Through the post-concussion, a bunch of anxiety, worry, and hurtful memories have been knocked out of me, making space for periods of sheer blankness, more compassion, understanding others’ experience, thinking outside the box, and gaining more common sense!  (My Dad, Mom, and brother were all gifted with common sense, but not so much me.  It just proves we can keep changing, learning, growing, right up to the end of our lives.

The biggest gift has been learning to turn things over to the God of my understanding, instead of always doing things MY WAY.  And out of this, I CHOOSE not to eliminate persons from my life whose points of view and beliefs are different from my own.  Instead, I CHOOSE LOVE, and to come from this space of LOVE as much as I can in ALL  situations!  A mighty tall order. Coming from this place also means being courageous in relationship to myself, others, and the world!  

Wishing you ALL THE BEST IN THIS COMING NEW YEAR, whatever it may bring! 

Blessings

Carolyn