When the telephone rang on Wednesday morning August 19, and I saw it was Aunt Joan, my heart sank. “Oh no,” I thought, “It’s Uncle Tom!” Sure enough, Aunt Joan, his youngest sister, told me he had passed away peacefully with Aunt Diane and his children around him.
Uncle Tom had entered Hospice the month before and had done well with care from his wife Diane and oldest daughter Mary doing core caregiving for him, his two youngest sons spending nights when needed, and his youngest daughter Janet being available whenever she could. Tom had been successfully battling a rare form of cancer for many years until he had maxed out on the treatment he could have.
I had been a mess all day Tuesday with grief, which is usually what happens to me just before the death of a loved one. Even though Aunt Diane had phoned me that he was declining, I still was not ready. I thought he had more time! I called Aunt Diane and his children who were on speakerphone and lost it! I had tried to hold it together because I have this thing that as the oldest grandchild on that side of the family, I want to be there for others. Not that day.
Uncle Tom lived a long life of almost 85 years, the same as his Mom Elizabeth. My Mom, his oldest sister Barb, used to joke that by the time he came along as the 7th of 9 kids, Elizabeth was running out of names, and so Tom’s middle name was after Dr. Leo Foy who had delivered 8 of the 9 kids!
Tom was close to both his parents. Following his Dad into the Bureau of Reclamation, he worked as a surveyor. He could fix anything and helped his folks and others whenever he could.
Tom loved his brothers and sisters. He was especially close to his youngest sisters Margaret (Margie) and Joan. He never missed a family reunion except one, traveling from Washington State to wherever the reunions were held. He made it to our latest one in Wyoming last year. He also organized one at Sullivan Dam where he and Diane spent many summers.
Tom visited his older siblings as they aged. When my own Mom had to move into Assisted Living, he and Diane stayed with her afterward when I had to leave, and Uncle Tom put together a table and bathroom equipment to help Barb.
Tom and Diane also spent many years wintering in Yuma, Arizona, where they had many friends. They would come to Phoenix, too, to see my husband and me, and Aunt Mary would come from New Mexico sometimes for fun-filled weekends at swap meets, retail therapy, celebrating birthdays, and just hanging out.
Tom and Diane also came a few times for our yearly Christmas open houses. One of my favorite memories was Uncle Tom meeting my oldest stepdaughter for the first time. He wrapped his arms around her and said, “Welcome to our family.” She burst into tears as he held her.
The other unforgettable memory of Uncle Tom which is seared into my heart was at the memorial Mass for his younger sister Margie. When Margie’s oldest son Ruben arrived, he and Tom silently wrapped their arms around each other and held each other for several minutes.
Tom was married twice, first to Aunt Kathy who was the mother of their 5 children whom he loved dearly. He also loved her 4 older children. Aunt Kathy died unexpectedly when she was young, and it was very devastating for everyone. Tom took me to visit her grave at my request, which was very special. Her wicked sense of humor, her down to-earthiness, her outgoingness, and her boundless love for her children are still missed.
Tom then married Aunt Diane, and they had many happy years living, traveling, and being there for each other through thick and thin. He embraced Diane’s children, too. He and ALL of his grandchildren dearly loved each other!
Tom was soft-spoken and often quiet, but when he spoke, it could be with humor, common sense, and lots of wisdom! He was a man of deep Catholic faith, which he lived his entire life. He was SPECIAL to all who crossed his path!
Your wife, your children, your grandchildren, your siblings, your numerous nieces and nephews, cousins, and friends will miss you sorely Tom Stevenson, but we are so GLAD you brought your SPECIALNESS into our lives! WE LOVE YOU NOW AND ALWAYS!
Your oldest niece,
Carolyn Elizabeth
