This has been a week full of surprises! I was honored to officiate at the funeral of a 100-year-old Grande Dame who had lived an adventurous and full life as she traveled and worked around the world for the US government. It was in 98-degree weather however, complicated by a situation beyond the control of the family or myself which was very stressful.
I went into a downward spiral triggered by this situation. My post-concussion symptoms were retriggered (headaches, decreased memory/concentration, and body aches); I sobbed from my gut; I had lost a sense of myself. What I did not realize was that I had not yet experienced my grief about the post-concussion. I was exhausted by the COVID crisis and the way our country is being torn apart right now. I had also just lost our beloved Uncle Tom the previous week.
The truth about grief is that it can be triggered by something that seems totally unrelated. It can be about unresolved previous losses; the anniversary of the previous losses of loved ones; multiple losses in a short or long period of time, or a combination of all these factors.
All that I was going through created a perfect storm for a huge grief reaction. I had to BREAK DOWN TO BREAKTHROUGH! I had to let myself grieve at the deepest levels. When I allowed this to happen this time, it took 24 hours. (It is not always that fast and I will undoubtedly grieve again!). I also reached out to my husband, our doggie, a few trusted friends, a healthcare professional, and God.
Out of this, many gifts came. The seemingly impossible situation out of my control was resolved with a powerful phone call. My physical therapist provided incredible support, reassuring me that stress of any kind could retrigger my symptoms, that grieving the concussion was needed, and that I had come out on the other side. I was able to participate in the live streaming of my uncle’s funeral Mass with both sadness and joy.
So, these are examples of the gifts grief can give us if we can just allow ourselves to go THROUGH it. We DO NOT GET OVER OUR GRIEF, BUT WE CAN GET THROUGH IT!
Let me close with a childhood song (without hand motions!) learned in church camp and that I often used with Hospice patients and in bereavement support groups.
So high you can’t get over it,
So low you can’t get under it,
So wide you can’t get around it,
You gotta go through the door!
Blessings to each of you as you go through life’s journey of grief and healing!
Carolyn
