October 20th would have been my cousin Carla’s 62nd birthday. I was totally caught off guard when I could not write this blog in honor of her. It was anniversary grief (or shadow grief as my main grief teacher Sister Teresa called it). The grief that happens around special occasions when you have lost someone who meant so much to you.
In the 24 hours I took to get through this, memories of Carla’s life flooded me:
*My shock when Aunt Gini, Carla’s Mom, showed up in her pink seersucker maternity outfit and laughingly told me she had “the 9-month flu!”
*Gini softly singing “Toura Loura Loura” to Baby Carla as she rocked her.
*Riding around with teen Carla as she shared the secrets she did not tell anyone else.
*Carla participating in the Argonne Rebels Drum and Bugle Corps all over the USA, head of the cymbal section. (One of her lifelong fondest memories).
*Staying with Carla and her husband Tom.
*Attending Tom’s tragic funeral a few months later with the memory of pregnant Carla needing to be escorted from the casket as she lingered.
*Attending Carla’s wedding to Philip with Grandma Stevenson, our social services role model and woman of devout Catholic faith.
(And Philip picking little Lindsey up when she plopped down in the aisle and holding her throughout the ceremony).
*Providing support as her mother was dying from metastatic breast cancer, and my fear she would get breast cancer too, which she did.
*Carla joyfully sharing she was taking instruction to become Catholic.
*Feeling so much pride as Carla had gotten her BSW and MSW (making us the only social workers in the family at that time); her career in Child Welfare and as Mental Health Director in the State of Kansas, even as she went through treatment for breast cancer.
*Visiting with Carla, her daughter Lindsey, and newborn granddaughter Addison. Carla tossing off her wig to reveal her lovely newly growing hair!😄💝😍
*Visiting with Carla as she proudly gave tours of the Blue Door Project, a former monastery being renovated for 16 foster adolescents, her last act of love and faith done with her family in Kansas City. (Her son and wife managed it full time upon its opening). Much of the reno was donated by many Christians!
*Finding out that Carla’s breast cancer had spread and she was given 8-10 years to live.
*Then it was found to have spread further and when she was only given a few weeks/months to live, going to KC for two visits.
*Carla setting a major goal to make it to her 60th birthday which she did and celebrated with a huge birthday party! And to Christmas, if she could (“the cherry on top of the icing!”) She crowded all she could into her short time, wearing out her loving family caregivers at times!
*She made it to December 15, passing peacefully as the sunlight streamed through the windows.
All the lives she had touched were evident in the number of persons who came to say goodbye at her visitation and funeral Mass, in spite of blustery weather.
It is said that some persons crowd so much into their lives because they are with us only a short time. And that was Carla: Wife, mother, Nina, daughter, social worker, a woman of faith! All these roles were her joy and lifeblood!
SO CARLA, WE LOVE YOU, WE HONOR YOU, WE MISS YOU. One day we will see you again, just as your song “I Can Only Imagine,” plays joyfully in our Reunion!!
