Healing Resource Connection

January is National Celebration of Life!  We honor all our loved ones, both two-leggeds and four-leggeds.  

Today I honor our four-leggeds who have brought us so much joy and unconditional love!  

For my husband and me, I share our beloved black lab Baron and our first rescue doggie Bo.  

Baron was one of 7 black lab puppies born to Bailey and Shaq (yes short for Shaquille!).  He was a Marley dog from the beginning!  He had to go to 90 days of dog training at 3 months old. He LOVED playing frisbee and sitting out under the stars at nite with his Daddy who still misses him!

Baron and I went to see the Christmas lights every Christmas Eve of his life.  We got to be with him when he was put to sleep at home by Dr. Monica Brown on Memorial Day 2017. 

Our hearts were so broken that Molly, daughter of my BFF Janie, found a rescue that she thought we would be a perfect match for!  And so our BO came to live with us, bonding with Daddy immediately.  Bo was a runner and merrily crossed 6 lanes of traffic one nite with us chasing after him.  His angel totally protected him and he came back to us unscathed!  He did however have PTSD his entire life with us, mainly at nite😪  His favorite activity with me was car rides which were so bonding!  We lost him on March 22, 2021, when he suddenly could not breathe or walk😢. 

Fiona was a beautiful horse of the Carroll Family who only had 5 years on this earth but what a 5 years!  She was feisty, particular about who she liked (both two-leggeds and four-leggeds), and was handily managed and trained by Bethany, her main woman.  She suffered from some health issues (including from two wildfires when all had to evacuate) and crossed the Rainbow Bridge shortly afterward. She still contacts the family from the other side!  

Shine was a very special rescue who was initially given to my friend Cathy Carroll by an RN who could no longer care for her due to her own health issues.  Cathy then gave Shine to her brother-in-law Bob who was terminally ill with cancer.  He made a gift of Shine to his wife Kim, Cathy’s sister.  For the rest of Shine’s life, she provided comfort for Kim before and after Bob’s dying and death, coming into Kim’s life when she needed Shine to help with her grief, and leaving when Kim was strong enough to handle Bob’s death. Shine had multiple health problems when she came to the Carroll family, who helped rehab her.  She also had other health problems at the end, but she maintained a positive disposition throughout, as exhibited by sticking her tongue to the left, letting you know when to rub her neck and belly, rolling in the mud, and loving a horse bath afterward.  The Carrolls were broken-hearted when she was put to sleep after 3 years.  

Our last love bug is Pepper, beloved companion, and kitty of Sue McDaniel.  Pepper was a very loving and gentle cat who had been Sue’s best friend for 14.5 years when she passed away in May 2015. Pepper never destroyed anything and would sit with Sue on their patio, coming inside with Sue when it was time. Sue described how much she still loves and misses Pepper:  “There will never be another Pepper.  She is in my heart always.”

Blessings to each who shared their stories of beloved four-leggeds, and to you in remembering your beloved four leggeds🐶🐴🐱

Carolyn

Our beloved Baron 4/23/2003- Memorial Day 2017

Daddy & Baron playing frisbee

Baron 4/23/2003-5/20-2017

Beloved Bo on 3/22/2021 – His last day with us.

Daddy & Bo on a stroll.

Mom & Bo adopted 11/12/17

Beloved Fiona

Fiona & Bethany Horse Trainer extraordinaire!

Pepper, beloved companion of Sue.

Pepper

Beautiful Shine of the Carroll Family

Another year over, and what have we done?  These past two years have been more “What have we NOT done?!  

Even though I have learned (sometimes painfully) how to be with myself much more, (complicated by the effects of a concussion which took months of doing nothing except for 3 months of PT, in addition to Covid imposed isolation), there were major changes in my life.

The biggest was experiencing 10 deaths in 12 months, starting with my beloved Uncle Tom in July 2020, and quickly followed by the deaths of a classmate to Covid, my beloved Aunt Faye at Christmas, former work colleagues, friends, and our beloved rescue dog Bo.

     I have not been able to write about Aunt Faye much till now.  She was a true friend to me, and I considered her and Uncle Mick a second set of parents who I could reach out to when I could not reach out to my own parents.  She became sick during the holidays and put up a valiant fight until December 12, 2020.

I have included our last picture together taken three years ago on my last visit to my home state of Kansas.

And maybe that illustrates the crux of my grief, not being able to get home every six months to visit family and friends, driving the backroads, experiencing memories of my life, soaking up the earth and nature.  But most of all, not being able to get recharged, renewed, reinvigorated.  The worst has been not being able to attend the services of lost loved ones, or being with friends.

But of course, I have not been alone in this Covid journey.  One of my dearest friends who lives between Tucson and Pennsylvania and nearby states, lost her mother to Covid one year ago this week and her oldest brother in the past two weeks, also to Covid.  She said these two losses bookend a challenging year.  And this illustrates so much of what so many have experienced and still are.

But there have been many gifts out of all this isolation, stress, and weariness of Covid and concussion.

I have learned to be with myself and enjoy it, to be quieter inside and out, to reach out to others through social media, this blog, re-establishing relationships with classmates, and also meeting others from around the world.

I have an incredible church family and community which has helped sustain me, providing support through online services, a private Facebook support group, getting to help others through doing pastoral care, and receiving my own pastoral care… I also have an incredible network of family and friends, my husband Don, and our beloved new and amazing rescue Bella. (My husband says she is a human in dog form!).

Through the post-concussion, a bunch of anxiety, worry, and hurtful memories have been knocked out of me, making space for periods of sheer blankness, more compassion, understanding others’ experience, thinking outside the box, and gaining more common sense!  (My Dad, Mom, and brother were all gifted with common sense, but not so much me.  It just proves we can keep changing, learning, growing, right up to the end of our lives.

The biggest gift has been learning to turn things over to the God of my understanding, instead of always doing things MY WAY.  And out of this, I CHOOSE not to eliminate persons from my life whose points of view and beliefs are different from my own.  Instead, I CHOOSE LOVE, and to come from this space of LOVE as much as I can in ALL  situations!  A mighty tall order. Coming from this place also means being courageous in relationship to myself, others, and the world!  

Wishing you ALL THE BEST IN THIS COMING NEW YEAR, whatever it may bring! 

Blessings

Carolyn

What is your favorite Christmas Carol? What is your favorite Christmas song?!

I love “Silent Night” as my most favorite Christmas Carol since childhood and “Silver Bells” as my favorite Christmas song! A funny one for me is “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.”

   

      Today I celebrate the second theme of Advent:  PEACE.  ( A week behind although I am sure it is ok with God😄).  The season of Christmas has always brought me a sense of comfort and peace like no other time of the year.  

      In the midst of the hustle and bustle, the busyness, and the excitement, there is a deeper meaning in the Christmas Season which can bring a sense of PEACE and the promise of PEACE in the New Year.  

  In the Christmas season when I was nine, our 42-foot trailer had been sold, we moved into a small two-bedroom apartment, and Dad sold his pickup truck, all in preparation to help pay for our forever home which was being built.

   Dad walked daily to his job as an installer repairman for Ma Bell in all kinds of weather.  (He had a company truck but only for use in his work).  When the weather turned cold and wintry, he caught pneumonia between Thanksgiving and Christmas and had to be home to recover.  It was the first time I had ever seen my Dad ill, and it was scary!  

  Our Christmas was much slimmer that year.  But we did have a Christmas tree which, and as I mentioned last week, was Dad’s favorite.  Somehow, having less presents, no TV, and Dad being ill, brought us so much closer together, and Christmas was much quieter and more peaceful. 

   It was one of the BEST Christmases we ever had and made the meaning of Christmas so much more precious and real and memorable!  

   Dad did eventually recover, and the whole family, Dad, Mom, Richard, and I, helped do finishing work on the new house, another experience bringing us and keeping us closer together!  

    So GRATEFUL for my childhood with my parents and brother! 

May your Christmas Season be filled with memory-making experiences and peace as you find new meaning this Christmas season!  

Blessings,

Carolyn

Honoring Peace

The Peace of Nature in Winter

Peace of Christmas Season

A peaceful Christmas with Mom’s favorite bird, the Cardinal.

Peace at Christmas in song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8gxxmHQacI

A family image similar to my family of origin.

This is the Advent season in Christianity which has four themes or qualities leading up to Christmas Day.

The first theme this past week has been HOPE.  This year has brought me pondering in my heart about these themes.  Today I honor the theme of HOPE throughout memories and images from my own life.

I was born in Minden, Nebraska, The Christmas City.  This would set a theme in my own life of Christmas being my MOST FAVORITE time of the year!  The season of hope and good will, acts of caring and kindness to our fellow humans and animals and giving to those less fortunate than ourselves.  And for me, the MEMORIES of Christmas are the music, nature, gifts, giving, family and friends, the Christmas tree, and the true meaning of the Season!  

Christmas was always a BIG DEAL in our family!  My Dad grew up being very poor and often did not have many celebrations in the Christmas season.  For him, Christmas was his FAVORITE holiday!  The kid in him broke out in JOY as he decorated outside, and inside, the Christmas tree.  For me, I have to have a Christmas tree in his honor, even the first Christmas after he died in November!  Putting up a tree helped me more in my grief than anything.  

My Mom was never really excited about Christmas “because it is too close to my birthday” which was January 5th.  And yet, she participated each year. 

She and I made many memories:  Baking dozens of cranberry, banana, and pumpkin breads, and freezing them till time to give as Christmas gifts. In later years after Dad died, touring our little hometown in all seasons, especially the holiday season, something neither of us ever tired of.  At Christmastime, after Mom was in assisted living in Beloit, we got to ride in a limousine to tour the AMAZING Chautauqua Isle of Lites in the local park. (Check it out online!) 

When she and Dad spent several winters in Apache Junction, AZ, in their RV, Dad still went all out decorating, mainly outdoors. We would also tour the lights of the RV resort and surrounding areas, and take in Christmas music everywhere we could.

When my brother Richard and I were little, and after we joined the Christian Church in Beloit, he and I would put on the Christmas story on Christmas Eve. He would act out parts, while I played Christmas carols on my flute and read Scripture.  Then Richard and I would get up super early in the morning, excitedly check out the presents, and then fall asleep on the couch till we could wake the folks up!

Since 2003, I have taken our family dogs out to see the Christmas lights on Christmas Eve.  Baron and Bo both LOVED this, and I introduced Bella to the custom tonite.  She seemed, like her earlier brothers who are now angel doggies, to really enjoy this! 

For many years now, my bestie Janie and I have made a tradition of Christmas shopping in Sedona and hanging out together. (Just got back)!  

The memories shared here are but a glimpse into a lifetime of memories and which bring a RENEWED hope to me in the midst of Covid, worldwide turmoil, and upheaval in general.  

I invite you to explore YOUR memories of hope, and let them give you RENEWED HOPE in this season of Christmas!

Blessings in this Christmas Season,

Carolyn

These are the things that give me HOPE! What has brought HOPE into your life?

The love of friends gives HOPE!

Janie & I!

Cardinal birds at Christmas.

AZ I-17 Christmas Tree

Minden, NE The Christmas City

Chautauqua Isle of Lights Beloit, KS

It has been 24 years since November 16, 1997 that you went to Heaven.  How can that BE?!  The same month as Mom, only 16 years and 6 days apart.   

You were born on a tenant farm, the youngest of 7 children.  You grew up through the Depression in very hard times, and I am guessing that is when you developed your incredible work ethic that was one of your lifelong traits.  You did not get to go to high school which was a lifelong disappointment for you.

At the age of 19, you were drafted and you chose to join the Marines.  You served in the Pacific, fighting hard fought battles in faraway places like Okinawa, Pelilieu, Guadalcanal. At one point, you almost died from typhus. (Could that have been one reason you had a weakened immune system the rest of your life?) After the war ended, you were sent to China for the occupation of Manchuria.

You had started to write to Mom from overseas when you thought you were going to make it.  When you got back, you were engaged and married Mom on Valentine’s Day.  You also had gotten a job with Ma Bell where you worked for 39 years!  (In those days, people stayed with their jobs for a lifetime).

First I came along, then Richard in quick succession, both of us born when you were 26 years old!  You loved being a Dad your whole life.  You were stern at first, but you grew with us, always there for us in times of joy and times of trouble.  You also loved being a husband too, and you and Mom grew closer and closer together through life.

You always had a second job either painting houses or later in life, flipping them.  You taught yourself plumbing, electricity, and carpentry.  You built a hi-low camping trailer we traveled in!  To me, you were AMAZING, and I was always so proud of you!.

Some of  your happiest times were the last 12 years of your life in retirement when Mom and you traveled all over the US and came to Arizona  to winter over 6 years. We got to see each other every other weekend, and our best trip ever was when Mom, you, and I went to Sedona and the Grand Canyon for your 70th birthday. Magical!  

You struggled with various illnesses throughout your life. But the last 8 months of your life were HECK, filled with one illness after another.  Finally, you struggled with two different kinds of cancer, the last one terminal.  We thought you had 6 months to a year to live, but it was only 6 weeks😪

I had to fly home suddenly on Saturday 11/15 after you had been transferred to a hospital 70 miles from our hometown.  You were SO SICK, temp 105, filled with tubes, shaking.  

You had found Jesus when you were in your 30’s and he was your main man. In our short time together, our last conversation was:  

“Dad, are you afraid?” Dad:  “No!”  “Dad, are you praying?!”  Dad:  “Yes!”  “Dad, is Jesus with you?” Dad:  “Yes, Jesus is with me!”  Little did I know it would be our last time together!   

Mom and I were never allowed to see you again as you struggled so hard!  You died at 1:40 am when pulled off the vent.  (A long story too painful to share here).  

You had a WONDERFUL service with 250 attending, the 21 gun salute, and military honors.  You had requested the Vince Gill song, “Go Rest High on that Mountain” which we played (and which you can check out in this post!). 

You had helped Mom in the 70 mile drive home, sitting beside her in the car and guiding her every move!  You came to us from time to time through the years after you left the Earth plane.  My favorite was a time when I was sobbing as I missed you. Suddenly your face appeared across the entire spanse of AZ sky, your head thrown back, laughing, blue eyes dancing, letting me know you were ok!

Cannot wait to see you again Papa!

Your girl

Carolyn

Song, “ Go Rest High On That Mountain”, played at my father’s funeral. Click here to listen: https://youtu.be/6jXrmAKBBTU

Today it has been 8 years since you went to join Dad, rocking your way into Heaven in the rocking chairs he made on the porch of the log cabin he had built for you.

   I know you are happy because you have let me know in so many ways since you left the earth plane:

   When I was writing up the story of your life for your memorial service with trepidation because you always told me you would come back to haunt me if I changed anything you had already planned and written up!

But you came to me and told me, “I do not care what you do.  I am with Dad now and it is ok!”

    When I had my concussion on 5/3/20 and you were there the first time I awakened after passing out and hitting the porcelain tile floor, holding me and supporting me before I passed out again!  

   All the times I have felt your comforting presence in the long months of recovery after this, letting me know how happy you are, and that it is a joyous reunion that awaits us in Heaven!  

  And so here I am again, going through another round of vertigo when all I can do at times is rest, sleep, do exercises.  And here YOU ARE AGAIN, in my dreams all day, reliving scenes from our life:

   Putting aside your busyness and activities when Richard and I were little to sit on the floor with us, reading stories, teaching us songs from your Dad (The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere and a Can of Beer😳😛😁), and playing numerous games with us!

   Your determination in learning how to drive a stick shift at age 29!  How did you survive with Dad as your teacher?!😄😗😊

     How you patiently taught our family dog Beau after he went blind, how to go around furniture and to use the wall to go up and down stairs?!  (You had named him Beau Brummell!) 

    Your never-ending sense of love and responsibility as a wife, Mom, daughter, sister, a woman of faith?

      Your ability to balance a checkbook TO THE PENNY, even after dementia set in?

     Your coping with widowhood for 16 years and your own health decline, always adapting to every change that old age threw at you?!  

  Our last visit six days before you died, when I told you, as always, it was ok with Richard, Jan, and me, if you went to be with Dad, and you would tell me, “I am not ready to leave my kids yet.”  Except on this day when you simply murmured, “Ok.”

And when I asked if you were at peace, you joyously replied, “Oh yes!”  

I knew it would be the last time I would see you on this side as the tears silently slid down my cheeks.

  But I BELIEVE what you have reassured me, and joyously await for that time we will all be REUNITED!  

  LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK MAMA BEAR!

  Carolyn Elizabeth

Barbara Inez Stevenson

Barb age 21

Barb & Will

Barb & Carolyn

Barb & Richard

The Walters Family

Barb in a dress she made

Mom’s dogs: Beau Brummel and Sunshine (her granddog).

Dad & Mom’s log cabin and rocking chairs

October is the month every year when we turn our hearts toward the hopeful dogs waiting to find forever homes during Adopt a Shelter Dog Month. The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) sponsors and promotes Adopt a Shelter Dog Month every October, while the American Humane Society has celebrated a month-long October campaign encouraging the adoption of shelter dogs in 1981. Community shelters make it a priority to match each dog with a compatible owner and environment to support the dog’s best second chance at a loving and stable forever home. 

Here is the story of “Henry the One-Eyed Wonder Dog” and his rescuer my dear friend Janie Rian.

Henry, the One-Eyed Wonder Dog

Forever thanks to my daughter, Emily, who convinced me to look at rescue dogs when I was with her in Phoenix.  I was able to adopt the most amazing doggie, Henry, my one-eyed wonder dog. We stopped at the Humane

Society’s branch shelter on Happy Valley Road on February 17th, 2019.  There he was and I fell in love with him.  My husband met me to pick me up at that mall and I begged him to take a look.  Since we had two dogs already, he was not convinced and we proceeded to drive home to Big Park ( small town before Sedona). I begged all the way home and he relented just before we arrived home.  It was a GO.  I called the shelter and my Henry was still there with only 5 minutes to closing.  Well my daughter, Emily, agreed to show up at their door right at opening the following day to make claim on our wonder dog.  We arrived at the same time and the rest is our wonderful history/life with amazing Henry, the one-eyed wonder dog. He is a joyful soul, so grateful to be loved and love us back!

By Janie Rian

Janie & Henry at the Humane Society the day before she adopted him.

Sweet Henry!

Evie welcoming Henry

Adopt a Shelter Dog Month!

Blessings to you and your rescues!

Carolyn

     Today is National Women’s Friendship Day.  This is a wonderful time to remember and honor those women who have had such an important place in our lives.

     My first and best friend was my Mom Barbara Stevenson Walters.  I was so bonded to her that I did not see us as separate individuals till I was age 12!  This bond lasted a lifetime.  And although we often disagreed, the LOVE was always stronger than anything else! We became even closer after Dad died, and I gradually became her long-distance caregiver.  I was lost without her after she died, and that still exists today.  But I believe I will be with her again!  

     I have also been blessed by having the most incredible grandmothers,  aunts, and cousins!  I have always carried each and all in a special place in my heart, of course being closer to some than others.  I still try to see as many as possible whenever I go home to Kansas.

    In recent years, I have reconnected with several women classmates via Facebook and other social media. This has been healing for me since my self-esteem was so low in high school.  

    Throughout the years, I have maintained lifelong friendships with women in my life from my teens till now!  Some of these women are featured in pictures with me here.  I consider myself truly blessed by these relationships which have sustained me with support, humor, and so much more through life’s changes.   

  Let me close with this saying:

     “A real friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.”

Walter Winchell

Get in contact with your women friends and family in some way!  I am going to!  And THANK YOU to all the women in my life from the past and now!

BFF’s Janet & I since 1978

BFF’s Angela, me, & Mary Ellen

Cathy & I

My Best Friend, Mom.

Two sisters and BFFs

BFF Janie

Blessings,

 Carolyn